


I Can't Say No

by HeavyMetalMothman



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: (it's not that public he's in a car), (oh shocker), Alcohol, Complicated Relationships, Feelings Realization, Hollywood Glamour, M/M, Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Power Dynamics, Prostitution, Public Masturbation, Ricky does what he has to, Ricky is not who he says he is, Shane obliges, Smut, Stripping, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans! Shane Madej, complicated feelings, creepy original characters - Freeform, diry dealing in hollywood, film producers, i really don't know what to tag, maybe i think it's kind of grey area-ish, mysterious pasts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:07:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavyMetalMothman/pseuds/HeavyMetalMothman
Summary: Shane crosses paths with Ricky Goldsworth in the glamorous Tinsel Town, he learns he can have everything he ever wanted, at a price.





	1. Part 1 (Ultra Violet Disguise)

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this for almost a year. This idea started as an rp with Faequill. I have screenshot it, lost the screenshots, daydreamed, wrote, rewrote, forgot about, remembered, rewrote again, and wrote some more. This is a labor of love and feelings. Honestly this stupid fic is like too damn close to my heart. 
> 
> But it's time to upload.

It was an unnecessarily hot day. Sweat made Shane’s shirt collar stick to his neck. The ultra violet rays beating down on his figure were most unwelcome as he stepped out of a building and made his way down the sidewalk.

 

Shane was wandering from an interview at a studio, weighed down by the feeling that it had  _ not  _ gone well, or at least as well as he’d hoped. 

 

He was starting to run out of options, his tiny apartment was practically eating his hard earned rent money, month by month. He thought of his old means of making ends meet and shook his head furiously. 

 

_ I can’t go back that… I’m better than that now. A different person now. _

 

Wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn’t even see the person walking past. He tripped on their shoe, falling to his hands and knees. The folder in his hands fell to the ground and the demo reel tucked within it clattered a few feet away. 

 

“Christ, watch where you’re goin’, kid.” The man stooped to pick the folder of the ground, tucking the contents back inside. Shane hastily picked up the stray disc and turned to face the man now currently looking at his folder. 

 

“I’m very sorry, sir, I wasn’t paying attention.” He stopped talking and finally looked at the man, his appearance seemed to suck the breath right out of his lungs.

 

The man wore a taper-cut dark suit, the midnight black fabric shimmered in the sunlight. He wore black leather shoes, well shined, though Shane noticed with a wince that a scuff now covered the toe of one of the shoes. 

 

The man himself was equally as attractive as the suit he was wearing, cut showing off the curves and build of his body without being too tight. His face was circular, but chiseled, his skin gleamed a healthy bronze color. His jaw was dusted with light stubble, making him seem older than he looked. He looked at the folder with studying eyes, a brown more deep than Shane had ever seen. 

 

He looked up at Shane and wordlessly handed the folder back to him. Shane stood taller than him, but height didn’t seem to matter at all, his presence demanded attention and commanded respect. 

 

“So you’re looking for a job? In the ‘industry’?” He finally said, tugging on his cuff. The links on his cuff were solid gold, triangle shaped. A plain gold ring adorned the middle finger on his right hand, a gold watch adorning the left wrist. 

 

Shane stumbled on his words but finally managed a “yes” after some apprehension. He figured this person seemingly made of money should be more concerned with ordering him to reimburse him for a scratched shoe rather than go through his resume. 

 

“Here.” The man pulled a card from his inside pocket and offered it to Shane. “Call that number later. Tell them Ricky asked for you personally, they’ll set you up with the paperwork.” 

 

He turned to walk into the building and Shane called after him. 

 

“Hire me? You don’t even want to interview me first?” 

 

The apparent Ricky stopped and turned, a crooked grin played on his lips. “I don’t need to interview you. I liked what I saw so I’m thinkin’ ‘what the hell, why not’? No one's forcing you to call. But if my suspicions are correct, and they usually are, you don’t have a lot of options.” 

 

Shane felt like Ricky read him like a book, one look was enough to tell him every detail he needed. It was no wonder he looked expensive. 

 

Ricky smiled and turned to walk into the building. 

 

“We’ll see each other again, very soon.” 

 

He left Shane standing alone, embellished gold business card in hand. 

 

—

 

Of course Shane called the number. In no less than a week he was set up as a personal assistant and shadow for Richard Goldsworth. 

 

He felt a little ashamed for the way he’d spoken to Ricky when he’d run into him, he should have been kissing the very ground he walked on, he’d run into one of his very idols by sheer coincidence. 

 

Ricky was a producer; in the short time that he’d seemingly come from nowhere, he’d managed to produce several multimillion dollar blockbusters. He produced only the best, not a single one of his projects had ever fallen through. He owned the industry from the moment he strutted onto the red carpet for the first time. No one knew where he came from, and nobody seemed to care. 

 

Shane apologised to Ricky the moment he saw him again, dressed for work as best he could. He wasn’t expecting to find Ricky reclining at a leather couch in his office, scrolling through a document. 

 

The familiar sly smile crept across his face. “What are you sorry for? You spoke to me like you would to anybody.” Ryan stood and approached Shane. “I liked the honesty of it. You know, everybody grovels at my feet. I have everything I might want or need in my back pocket. I know who I am. I don’t want the groveling from everybody, understand?” 

 

Shane gulped and nodded, Ricky was a little too close for comfort, he could almost feel the warmth radiating from him. Ricky’s eyes crinkled at the corner, he scoffed lightly. 

 

“Forget what you think you know about me. Just talk to me. And we’ll get along fine.” He eyed Shane up and down and finally chuckled, stepping away and back to his couch, and gestured to the empty spot next to him. “Have a seat.”

Shane didn’t know what to do with himself. As soon as he sat, Ricky picked the tablet up off the table and handed it to him. 

 

“Do you know what this is?” 

 

Shane took the device from his hands and scrolled gently through the document, skimming over it. 

 

“It’s a script… an action/thriller… looks like it’s been doctored, probably still needs tweaking if it’s not a final script.” 

 

“That’s right. It’s one of my current projects, but I’m going to give this one to you to help with. I have several appointments today with a few people who are interested in investing in this project. I want you to listen in on my conversations, see how I talk to these gentlemen, take notes even. Which reminds me,” Ricky got up and retrieved a white box from his desk, putting it in Shane’s hands. “That’s for you.”

 

The image of brand new tablet graced the cover of box, Shane looked up at Ricky, unsure. “I… I don’t know if I can accept this.” 

 

“ _ Please _ , I could purchase ten of these on a whim if I wanted to. It’s easier for me to send documents this way, mine and yours have already been linked. But it’s yours, you can do what you want with it, i just figured it’d be easier for you to keep everything in one place.”

 

“Thank you.” Shane was more than a little speechless, his heart rate through the roof. He’d been in this man’s presence for less than an hour, and he’d already given him a project, a tablet, more trust than any company he’d worked for had ever given him. It was a lot to handle. 

 

“My first appointment will be here soon, so look alive.” Ricky smirked, Shane’s heart beat wildly against his ribcage. 

 

__

 

Shane soon learned three things in the following months that he was working for Ricky. 

 

First thing was that he was very much overpaid, if the gossip that followed him around was to be believed. He was rolling in more money than he could even dream of having at his age. It was nice though, he had to admit. He was able to finally afford the things he needed as well as wanted. Compared to Ricky though, Shane was barely comfortable. 

 

Second, working for Ricky was exceedingly simple yet interesting so long as he followed Ricky’s instruction. Shane got a lot better at talking to people, letting his natural charm and charisma carry him through conversations rather than worrying so much about what he was going to say. Ricky managed to pull some confidence out of him, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt nice to be sure of his words once more. 

 

And third; he didn’t know a damn thing about Ricky. He came to learn what Ricky was like, his personality was all bravado and supercharged, but his past, his family, everything that made him who he was remained a mystery to Shane.

 

He very much had investors, writers, directors, anyone he wanted in the palm of his hand and only because he knew how to talk. Every word poured from his mouth in a rich, silken flow. He promised what he knew he could deliver and he knew how to execute. He didn’t waste time, he was efficient.

 

Then a day came when he asked an odd favor of Shane, Shane accepted with hesitation. 

 

“I need you to deliver this file to one of my attorneys. I would do it myself but I have a last minute meeting, so I’m trusting you with it.  _ Do not _ open the file. You know I’m very open about sharing things with you, but this is a personal matter. You can take my car, the driver should be waiting for you outside the building. Just be back in a timely manner.” 

 

“Of course.” Shane said, talking the thick, manilla folder in his hand carefully. “I’ll be back soon.” 

 

He followed Ricky’s right up until he was in the car, sitting in the back, uncomfortably unfamiliar with his surroundings. He’d ridden with Ricky before. The faint smell of cigarettes still clung to the car’s upholstery, through the ashtray was devoid of gold filtered, black bodied cigarettes. 

 

Another thing he’d come to learn is that Ricky smoked  _ a lot _ when he was stressed. Shane would find himself watching in a trance as the black wrapped tobacco burned, Ricky would draw in the white smoke and exhale a thin cloud. His plush lips would tighten around the filter and relax as he breathed. 

 

Shane couldn’t imagine the amount of stress he must feel day in and day out, trying to impress. There were times where his facade faded for a moment, and only a moment. Shane could see someone else sitting there, it showed in the dullness of his eyes, and would be gone the moment he blinked. His trademark smirk would grace his lips once more and he’d mumble “What are you lookin’ at?”, making Shane blush and look away. 

 

He blushed even now, thinking about it. He gripped the folder in his hands so tight he left indents in the thick paper material. 

 

What could be so incriminating he didn’t want Shane seeing? A quick glance at the partition told him the driver was completely uninterested in what he might be doing in the back of the car. 

 

Carefully, he opened the folder, glancing at the documents within. There was nothing unordinary about them, they looked like tax information, neatly filled out with a metal nibbed ink pen. 

 

Then a detail caught his eye, he sifted through the papers gently just to be sure. It was definitely Ricky’s handwriting, that was for sure. But the name, every document was signed  _ Ryan S. Bergara _ in neat handwriting, same signature style as Ricky Goldsworth. 

 

Now that was interesting, Shane quickly shut the folder. His thoughts were racing a hundred miles an hour. Ricky sounded like an alias the moment he’d heard it, but Shane didn’t understand why Ricky would be so secretive about it. 

 

The thoughts continued to occupy his mind, even after he delivered the documents, even after he went home for the night. 

 

He sat on his couch, finger tapping the armrest furiously as he thought about it.  _ Maybe he’s avoiding the law for some reason? Holy shit, is he a criminal??  _

 

His tablet fell in his line of sight, he stopped his tapping and paused for a moment. Curiosity won, and he picked up the tablet, searching for anything that would tell him who Ricky  _ really _ was. 

 

—

 

A deep search into the web turned up nothing new, except a long, winded theory in which Ricky was originally the husband of a woman, father of a family he’d abandoned years ago, but the timeline seemed all wrong and Shane couldn’t find the source, so it ended up being a useless chase anyway. 

 

Answerless, he forgot about it, occasionally thinking about it once in a blue moon, only when the tired lines on Ricky’s face started to show, and for a moment, his life didn’t seem nearly as glamorous as he made it seem. 

 

His eyes would glisten as he became lost in thought, brown irises sparkling like the gold accessories that were always on his person. A gold ring, a gold watch, and once out of the corner of Shane’s eye, a gold crucifix on a thin gold chain, hidden by the collar of his pressed bespoke shirt. 

 

Shane wondered if the day would come when he too became a ‘big name’ producer and would know what it’s like to be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It was a feeling he’d come to know once in his life, a job that drained his soul of it’s essence until he just couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

It was a day out of the blue when things finally started coming to a head. Shane was unsuspecting, casually strolling into Ricky’s office without so much as a thought to the reason Ricky summoned him in the first place. 

 

“Patterson is interested in investing,” Shane started, crossing the threshold of the office. Ricky didn’t even look up as Shane entered, engrossed in his writing. “He said he liked the idea the film… the premise of it…” Shane said again, slower. Still Ricky did not look up at him. 

 

“Shut the door.” Ricky said softly, his wrist flourishing a little as he signed off on a paper before turning to the next. Shane carefully shut the door, though it swung closed on its own for the most part. Heavy and weighed down by its own wood, it closed with a soft  _ click _ leaving an awkward silence as Ricky continued to write and Shane dutifully waited for whatever instruction he had. 

 

“I thought I told you not to look at those documents.” Ricky signed a final paper with a harsh flourish before capping the expensive pen and looking up at Shane. He had to think for a moment and then realized exactly what Ricky was talking about. 

 

Dread crawled up his neck, he looked at Ricky’s face which held no emotion, though Shane’s probably told the whole story. Ricky finally smirked and chuckled darkly. The sound wavered between the two of them. The hair on the back of Shane’s neck stood up, but he continued to stand, quietly, not answering. Just waiting. 

 

“Go on then, I’m sure you have questions.” Ricky leaned back in his chair, seemingly amused. 

 

“Who is Ryan Bergara?” The question spilled from Shane’s lips before he could stop himself. He should be apologizing, groveling on the floor at Ricky’s feet. It was one simple task he’d trusted him with, and Shane couldn’t even follow the instructions he’d been given. In fact, it was a deliberate disobeyment, a choice  _ he  _ made. 

 

Ricky smiled, like he was remembering another time in his life, a time not that long ago, but too far away to be recent. 

 

“Me.” He paused. Just as fast as it came, the nostalgia left his face and his expression resumed it’s mysterious/amused look. “Goldsworth was an alias I took up when I came to California.” 

 

“Why did you change your name?” Shane probed further. The glimmer in Ricky’s eye told him he’d entered dangerous territory, like he was setting foot in a minefield.  _ Don’t lift your foot if you want to live _ . 

 

“I realized I wanted something. Something that I didn’t have, so I left behind my old life in order to get what I wanted.” Ricky stood from his desk, slowly making his way around to Shane. He took his time, bathing in the drama of it all. “Shane… you didn’t tell anybody about this did you?”

 

Shane swallowed and blinked, his mouth felt oddly dry and his palms had started to sweat. “No, sir, I didn’t.”

 

“Good…” Ricky took a stride closer, standing in Shane’s space. 

 

The smell of his costly cologne was intoxicating, it smelled rich and woody tinged with metallic. Shane was transfixed on each even breath that left Ricky’s lips, his stomach fluttered uncomfortably. He’d never been this close to Ricky before, but his presence always made him a little nervous. Shane finally understood why.  _ Closer, _ his brain whispered. 

 

“You know Shane… I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of influence in this world… So listen to me  _ very carefully _ . If you tell anyone what you’ve learned, I will make it my personal goal to make sure you will  _ never _ have another job in this city again. I will burn you out of Los Angeles, sending you right back where you came from. Do you understand me?”

 

A fire crackled in Ricky’s eyes, Shane shivered as his voice poured over him like scotch.

 

“I understand.” Shane said shakily.

 

“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Ricky straitened Shane’s tie, and then paused, looking him over. “Is that the nicest thing you own?” 

 

Shane looked down at himself, Ricky’s scrutiny of his clothing made him a bit self conscious. “It’s the most expensive thing, so I suppose.”

 

“Hmm.” Ricky gave him one last look and turned back to his desk. “Go down and tell my driver to start the car and wait there for me. I’ll be down in about ten minutes or so.”

 

“Where are we going?” Shane asked, intrigued. 

 

“You’ll see. Now get, we don’t have time to waste.” Ricky shooed him away with a wave of his hand.

 

Shane did as he was instructed, quickly dropping his remaining paperwork in his own office before making his way down the garage. His pulse raced as he went, he felt like his heart was going to explode at the rate it was beating. 

 

Shane found the driver having a cigarette not far from the car, he delivered the instructions to him. The driver flicked his remaining cigarette away in annoyance and started the car, Shane got into his side of the vehicle, and waited. 

 

And he waited. Heat pooled uncomfortably in his collar, an his heart rate would not slow itself for anything. 

 

_ I’ll burn you out of Los Angeles. _

 

Ricky’s threat echoed in his mind. What stuck was not the threat of blacklisting, but the way it was delivered, the glowing ember in his eye, the way he looked at Shane. Passion, a expression that looked good on Ricky. 

 

Shane’s stomach still fluttered uncomfortably, his skin was warm, and who could blame him? Flustered, on hot afternoon. Shane glanced at his phone, only a couple of minutes had gone by. 

 

Shane glanced at the driver, waiting outside with a newly lit cigarette, looking opposite the direction of the car. It was crazy, it was stupid, the idea working itself out in his head, and in one swift movement, he made a choice. 

 

His hand slipped beneath his belt and under his boxers, fingers caressing the folds between his legs. He didn’t indulge himself often, rarely did he feel the want but now he needed it, the relief that washed over him. 

 

He looked to make sure the driver wasn’t looking and proceeded to play with himself. His clit rolled easily under his fingers, made slick by liquid arousal dripping from his cunt, sensitive and sending waves of warmth travelling through his nerves. 

 

_ Oh Ricky.  _ A heavy sigh escaped his chest, he let his head fall against the leather headrest. His wrist soon grew tired of the undulating motions Shane used to pleasure himself with, his belt weighing down against it didn’t help either, but he was too impatient to take it off or loosen it. 

 

His fingers slipped past his throbbing clit and sought out his dripping entrance. His middle finger slid in with little resistance. He shifted his legs further apart, an involuntary reaction to the feeling of his fingertips finding that spot within himself. His toes curled in his shoes, he whimpered quietly. 

 

_ Come on, just a little more… _ The fantasies that ran through his mind were not in short supply. He could see it so vividly, Ricky pinning him down against the desk and fucking him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear in the very same tone he used to threatened him.

 

Hell, maybe he’d threaten Shane while he fucked him too, growling that he’d ruin Shane’s career, blacklist him from the city if he told anybody about them, if he told anybody about they way Ricky’s cock stretched him open, piercing the deepest parts of Shane, how each thrust brought him closer and closer to the highest form of satisfaction, how he screamed Ricky’s name as he—

 

The car door opened and Shane’s blood froze in his veins. He looked up, Rick was standing in between the door and the opening. 


	2. Part 2 (Tonight You Are Mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, but if you could have it all, why do you want me?_

It was with a great sigh of relief that Shane realized Ricky was talking to the driver, his head wasn’t in view of the inside of the car. Shane couldn’t really hear what he was saying and he didn’t really care. 

 

Shane quickly pulled his hand from his trousers and used a tissue to wipe his fingers off before Ricky got in the car. 

 

Ricky looked at Shane and scoffed. “You could have asked the driver to turn on the air conditioning or something, you’re sweating up a storm.” 

 

Shane chuckled nervously and nodded. Sure, if that’s what Ricky thought, then so be it. Shane could live with that. The throbbing slowly faded as they rode through the city. Ricky hardly paid him any mind, busy answering messages on his phone and burning through several cigarettes. 

 

Shane looked out the window and watched the buildings go by.

 

—

 

Dread creeped back into Shane’s system the moment the car stopped. Outside the window, an angular three-story building, complete with a patio on the third level stood next to them. In black script font, the name  _ Battaglia  _ decorated one of the storefronts, designer suits decorated the mannequins in the window. 

 

These were custom made suits, bespoke. The thought of strangers measuring him, being so close to his person that they would know… they would know what he was. He wouldn’t dare risk it. 

 

“We’re not — going in there… are we?” The question stuttered from his mouth like he was trying to choke back tears of panic. 

 

“We are.” Ricky opened the door and started to get out. 

 

“I can’t go in there… It’s-It’s far too expensive for me to afford at the moment and—”

 

Shane was cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut once more. Ricky looked at him, with a mixture of sympathy and impatience. He was calm when he spoke, what he had to say chilled Shane to the bone. 

 

“I know you’re trans.” 

 

Shane struggled to think of some excuse, something to say, Ricky raised his hand curtly and cut him off before he could start. 

 

“I know you’re trans, and frankly, I don’t care. It’s not a concern, and when we go in there, it’s not something you should worry about either. These people are professionals, they care that you’re fitted properly, they care that you like what you see, and they care that they get paid.” 

 

The way Ricky spoke had a calming effect, Shane began to feel like maybe it was alright. He frowned, thinking about it. It would still be too expensive. 

 

“But I still can’t afford—”

 

“I’ll take care of the bill, just consider it a company purchase.” 

 

“What do I even need the suit for? The ones I have have been fine so far.” Shane glanced at the building again, the white exterior almost seemed to glow in the sunlight. It made his eyes water. 

 

Ricky paused for a moment, clearly trying to choose each of his words very carefully. “I have… a meeting in a few days with a potential client. And I’d like you to be present. I need you to be well dressed and well groomed. Shane, I’m going to ask a favor of you... But don’t worry about it right now. Just let me take care of everything.” 

 

He exited the car, shutting the door behind him with one fluid motion. Shane got out from his side of the vehicle just in time to see Ricky take one last pull from his cigarette before crushing the gold filter under his shoe. 

 

—

 

Shane felt like he was caught in a bit of whirlwind, watching the sales people running around at Ricky’s behest. He watched diligently as Shane’s work clothes came off, and from there a suit blossomed over Shane’s nearly naked body. 

 

True to Ricky’s word, they did not care, no one paid his scars any mind. Occasionally he’d be on the receiving end of an accidental pin prick, but a quick sorry from the tailor was all that was needed to remedy it. 

 

Ricky disappeared at some point, leaving Shane alone and cold at the top of the stand. He shivered in the coolness of the room, hoping Ricky would return soon. He wasn’t sure what was worse, feeling naked and alone or feeling naked and judged in the gaze of Ricky Goldsworth. 

 

Ricky soon returned with a bolt of blue fabric in hand, he held it against Shane’s figure, admiring the way the silken fabric looked flushed against the pale skin of his neck. 

 

“This color. It’s perfect…” He said before handing it to a worker. A worker wordlessly took the bolt from Ricky, nodding in response. “You’re gonna look phenomenal.”

 

Shane let the whirlwind take him from there. He sank into a blur, watching everything happen around him. As they were leaving he watched from the otherside of the room as Ricky slid a card to the cashier. 

 

“I apologize for the rush.”

 

“No matter, Goldsworth. We’ll have the suit ready within a few days.” Ricky thanked them again and made his way to the door, motioning for Shane to follow. 

 

They didn’t talk much on the way home, Shane had a million questions and not a clue how to ask them. Ricky had a million secrets, and Shane wanted to know all of them, starting with what was so goddamn important that he need a brand new suit in order to do a “favor” for Ricky? Just what was this “favor” in the first place? 

 

The sound of a lighter and the whiff of smoke made him feel a little nauseous on top of everything else. 

 

He looked back at Ricky and there it was, not Ricky sitting in front of him, but another man, tired and worn out. Alone and afraid, his facade slipped through the cracks much like the sun setting, slipping through the buildings and beyond the horizon. 

 

_ Who are you really? Who were you and who are you now? _

 

Shane looked away before he’d ask something he’d regret. 

 

—

 

The nightclub the glowed before Shane was… uninviting at best and daunting at worst. Dressed in his best, following Ricky out of the car towards the building entrance. 

 

The blue suit wrapped around his pale skin, Ricky had been right about the tapered cut. The pink silk shirt added a nice splash of warm color to his ensemble, Shane made a mental note to never question Ricky’s clothing suggestions ever again. 

 

Ricky flashed the bouncer a gold card, the bouncer nodded wordlessly, Ricky walking past without stopping. The bouncer held his arm as soon as Shane approached, a little behind. 

 

“Hold up-”

 

“He’s with me.” Ricky said, tugging impatiently on his cuffs. The bouncer nodded wordlessly and allowed Shane to pass by, awkwardly. “Try to keep up, we can’t keep my client waiting.” 

 

Shane nodded, he was nervous, who could blame him. Ricky still hadn’t asked his favor of him, Shane was hoping he might have forgotten. 

 

Ricky made his way through the club with intent, he stopped to speak with no one, his face breaking it’s stony appearance when he finally approached one particular gentleman, sitting alone in a secluded area of the club. 

 

“Haz… It’s good to see you.” Ryan extended his hand, the man stood, and shook it firmly. He turned to face Shane partially. “This is my assistant, Shane. Shane this is Haz Kirai, he’s president of a… very fortunate company that will go unnamed. 

 

“Nice to meet you.” Kirai said. He offered his hand and Shane shook it firmly, though Shane didn’t like the way his eyes roamed his body, nor did he care for the way the man’s hands lingered over his. 

 

Kirai began to speak to Ricky in what Shane assumed was Japanese, Ricky replied, equally as fluent in the foreign tongue. Shane watched them exchange for a moment, unsure of what they were discussing. 

 

“Please,” Kirai motioned to a door leading to a private room. “The room is waiting for us.” 

 

Shane began to follow, but was stopped by Ricky’s firm grip on his shoulder. Ricky looked contemplative, like he wasn’t sure he should say what he was about to say. 

 

“Shane, do you remember the other day when I said I had a favor to ask of you?”

Shane watched as Kirai disappeared beyond the door, and nodded. He didn’t want to keep him waiting. Kirai seemed like a man who knew what he wanted, and didn’t take kindly to others making him wait. With the way he leered at Shane, it was better to get things over with.

 

“Yes, I remember.” 

 

“I’m willing to offer you whatever you want… within reasonable limits of course. If you want fame, money, women or men, whatever you want you can have. Just do me this favor.” Ricky glanced at the door one more time before looking Shane in the eye. “I know about your old job. I know where you used to work, this kind of things you did. Shane, when we go in there, I want you to strip.” 

 

Shane blinks, he can hardly process the request.

 

“I’ll give you whatever you want, handle this one request for me. I can’t get this one on my own this time, Shane.”

 

“I don’t know if I can do that.” Shane looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. Shame burned has neck, he couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid to think that Ricky wouldn’t find that information, that flagrant secret of his. He did what he had to do to get by, and here he was without debts. Time was ticking, every passing moment was more pressure, more than Shane needed at that moment. “I don’t look the way I used to… the way did before I could transition.”

 

“I know what you look like. Trust me, it’s not a problem.” Ricky takes a step closer to the door. Shane finally understands what all of it was about. The clothes, the tiptoeing around, the reason Ricky didn’t make the request until just before, why Ricky was so tense. The man’s heated gaze and prolonged contact. 

 

_ I’m so stupid… Kirai is a fetishist. _

 

“I’ll understand if you decline.”

 

“I’ll do it.” 

 

Ricky’s head snapped back to look at Shane, he seemed shocked Shane would even say yes. 

 

“Okay. Let’s go, then.” Ricky straightened his tie as he walked. Shane followed, doubts cluttering his mind, fear stacking faster than cancer cells, but it was far too late once the door shut behind them. 

 

\---

 

Dancing did not turn out to be as bad as Shane thought it would be. It would have been better where it not for the leer Kirai had in him the whole time. Ricky watched too, Shane could see that he also liked what he saw, but it was different. The desire in his eye was different than the blatant lust plastered on Kirai’s face like a crass wheat-pasting. 

 

It was a look Shane was used to, though it made him squirm a little more now that he was so far along with his transition. 

 

The cold of the room was most unwelcome as he shed each article of clothing until he was left in nothing but his briefs. It was almost painful, hearing the sound of the suit hit the floor, knowing it would never looks as new as the moment Shane put it on. It was like a permanent wrinkle in in the memory, something he could never iron out. 

 

Kirai talked avidly to Ricky while watching, and while Shane didn’t understand a word he was saying, the pointing and dark laughter spoke volumes. Each comment made with his wayward eyes was another chill down Shane’s back, another step away from the dignity he’d so carefully been building for himself. 

 

Ricky would pay up in due time, that was for damn sure. 

 

Shane was not prepared for the sharp pain in his heart when Ricky dismissed him to “talk about business”. He reclaimed his suit and redressed, his vision was tainted with ire. If Ricky wanted a call girl, he could have just hired one. 

 

As Shane sat at the bar and ordered a whisky, a thought occurred to him and only stoked the flame. What if Ricky had only kept him around because he  _ knew. _ He  _ knew _ what Shane was, he knew his past, what else did he know? 

 

His eyes watered has swallowed the burning liquid, setting the glass down with a harsh snap. If this was punishment for looking at the documents, then so help him god he’d never cross Ricky again. He’d quit but Ricky’s threat still loomed over him like a gold tinted thunderstorm.

 

He recalled the look Ricky had given him prior to going into the private room. The look his eye, the nervous twitch in his lip just before he spoke. Shane realized in the moment his facade had dropped, and that he bore his desperation like a cross in front of Shane. 

 

It calmed him suddenly, his anger and irritation settled, leaving him tired and a little hollow. Suddenly the drink in front of him didn’t seem so inviting but he continued to sio on it anyway, feeling a little ashamed. 

 

A hand on his thigh startled him, he snapped to Kirai standing next him with a coy grin on his face. He slid a card on the counter. 

 

“Call me when you’re tired of Goldsworth. And I’ll pay you triple what he pays you now.” He squeezed Shane’s thigh and walked away, Shane crushed the card in his fist as he watched him go. 

 

_ How dare he... _ As if Shane’s loyalty could be bought with money and power. As if he existed to be an object for Ricky. Shane downed his whisky and tried to keep the feeling of crawling skin at bay  as he made his way back to the private room. 

 

Ricky sat on the couch, deep in thought, hands steepled in front of his lips. 

 

“Did it work?” Shane asked, hoping his venture out of his comfort zone wasn’t for nothing. 

 

“It did… Apparently he was sold the moment you took your clothes off.” Ricky seemed burdened, his disguise of confidence flickered, like a bulb about to burn out. “I’m sorry to have asked such a request of you. I’m sure you were… uncomfortable to say the least.”

 

“It’s fine.” It was all Shane could think to say, though it didn’t sit well with him. “Doesn’t matter.”

 

“But it ain’t fine, is it? I saw the look on your face when you left the room.”

 

“It’s was a job, Ricky. A job. It’s just work and I know how to do it.” Shane buried his hands in his pockets and tried to ignore the way Ricky’s brows furrowed. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

 

“Let’s get out of here.” Ricky stood and strode out of the room, the club around them just starting to get into the swing of things. He stopped for nobody, Shane followed him with the same stoney expression. 

 

\---

 

The car ride back to the office held so much tension for the both of them, Ricky tapped away furiously at his phone, cigarette burning away on its own between his fingers. “We’re almost ready to start production, I already have people looking into casting options.” 

 

Shane nodded absently, he wasn’t quite listening. He kept thinking of when he danced, they way looky Ricky looked at him, the look in his eyes. The same desiring look he’d seen before time and time again. The only thing was this time, he wanted it. He wanted Ricky to look at him like that, Ricky was the only one he’d do that for. 

 

_ Ricky, Ricky, Ricky… it’s all about fucking Ricky. It’s always about Ricky.  _ Shane grit his teeth. 

 

“So… I’ve promised a lot and I keep my promises. What do you want, Shane?” Ricky didn’t look right at him, Shane caught his burning gaze in the driver’s rear view mirror, resolute and fixated entirely on him. 

 

“I don’t know…” Shane lied like a coward. He didn’t want money, fame wasn’t his endgame and there was only one man he desired… He was too afraid to say it out loud. 

 

“Money… fame… people… power even. There’s a lot I’m willing to give you. You did me a big favor. I’d like to repay you.”

 

“Why do you keep calling it a favor? You  _ knew  _ I’d say yes. You knew who I was, what I used to do, you know everything you could want to about me. You used me like a pawn, this was no “big favor”. You know damn well what I want.”

 

“I wanna hear you say it, Shane.” Ricky lean closer, the dangerous fire in his eyes grew. It was the same fire from the moment he threatened Shane, and it finally clicked.  _ Challenge me, and see what happens. _

 

“Is this all a game to you? Seeing how many people you can keep smothered under your thumb?”

 

“Say it, Shane.” 

 

“I want  _ you!” _ Shane finally snapped. “God! I want—I want you.” He blinked back tears and looked away. 

 

Ricky leaned back and sighed, nodding. They rode in an uncomfortable silence, it chipped away at Shane until he opened his mouth to say something. Ricky cut him off before he could speak. 

 

“Don’t worry about going back to the office. Just take us both to my home.” He spoke to the driver but his eyes were on Shane. 

 

Shane wondered if he’d made a bad decision, but the fire in Ricky’s eye told him otherwise.

 

\---

 

Ricky didn’t go for Shane immediately. If there was one thing he enjoyed, it was taking his sweet time, milking the moment for every drop of thick atmosphere he could get. He fed off of it, it seemed to rejuvenate his tired soul. 

 

Shane watched as Ricky pulled his tie loose and over his neck, the top three buttons of his shirt were next, each one coming undone with an earnest pull of Ricky’s fingers. 

 

“Do you want a drink?” Ricky motioned to the crystal glasses of amber liquid sitting patiently atop a cabinet. Shane shook his head and Ricky scoffed lightly. “Me neither.”

 

Shane looked about Ricky’s home with intrigue. It was surprisingly… bland for the type of man Ricky seemed to be. 

 

White walls and beige furniture, subtle gold accents here and there. The coffee table settled between couches was scattered with notes, papers and pages of scripts. The rest of the home seemed impeccably clean, like Ricky was never home. A few pieces of art and beta posters for movies hung on the walls. 

 

It was quiet. Staged like a movie set, only their footsteps and shuffle of clothes filled the empty space. 

 

Ricky led Shane to his bedroom, where the plainness from the rest of the suite spilled into the most private room of the house. The most outstanding feature was a floor to ceiling window, leading to a balcony. It seemed to float amongst the city, higher up than anyone dared to go. 

 

The soft noise of the silky fabric of Ricky’s coat jacket tore his attention away from the window. Ricky laid the coat gently over a chair, before turning to Shane. He shivered as Ricky slid his own jacket off his shoulders. 

 

Jacket discarded, Ricky unbuttoned each abalone button with deft fingers, Shane did his best not to shiver under Ricky’s touch. His hands were cool in the coldness of the room, each slip of skin against Shane’s warm flesh was like a small shock of electricity. 

 

The soft pink shirt barely hung off his pale back when Ricky finally kissed him, so soft and lovingly. The caress of his fingers was calming in the way of excitement, Shane sighed softly. Ricky continued to kiss him, stumbling forward as he made Shane walk backward, step by misguided step.

 

Ricky pushed his shirt off his shoulders and it slipped to the floor for the second time that night with a hushed noise, Ricky’s lips ghosted Shane’s as his fingertips danced down Shane’s ribs. 

 

“Oh Shane…” He sighed, looking over Shane’s body longingly. “Did you think you could just… fuck yourself in my car and think I wouldn’t catch you?”

 

The question should have sent a fear coursing through his body, rather than the shot of liquid ecstasy that went rushing through his veins. Shane smirked against Ricky’s lips. The fear of consequence was abandoned long ago, Shane didn’t feel the need to hold back. 

 

“Maybe I wanted you to catch me.” 

 

Ricky kisses him again, more bruising and rough than the last, catching Shane’s bottom lip with his teeth when he pulled away. “Did you think about me, huh? Did you imagine me while you played with yourself? Fantasize about me with your fingers in your own cunt?”

 

“Yes.” Shane gasped as Ricky’s teeth scrape against his neck, mouthing the column of his throat and collarbone. He swallowed and spoke again. “Thought about you bending me over your desk, saying filthy things while you fucked me.”

 

Ricky pushed him back lightly, his legs hit the edge of Ricky’s bed and he buckled, falling on to the feather soft mattress. A soft breath escaped his lungs, the air continued elude him as Ricky slowly chased him up the bed. 

 

A fire blazed in Ricky’s eyes as each shoulder rolled with possessive, seductive intent while Shane crawled backwards slowly; he wanted nothing more than to be consumed the by the blaze. 

 

He said nothing as Ricky unbuckled his belt, haste making his fingers tremble. Shane prickled with anticipation, lifting his hips to let Ricky pull the trousers and undergarments off his body. He tossed them away without a care before settling between Shane’s legs.

 

Ricky drew a sharp gasp from Shane’s lips as his tongue met the folds between his legs, Shane continued to gasp and moan as Ricky consumed his essence. His head fell back onto the pillows, legs spreading wider to give Ricky easier contact. 

 

Shane threaded his fingers through Ricky’s carefully styled hair, it spurred him on even more. And fuck, if the whole situation wasn’t hot; The man who practically owned him, eating him out on his own bed. Shane didn’t have the coherency to spare, thinking about it. 

 

“Ryan…”

 

The name slipped from his mouth quite by accident, as soon as it was uttered the air was charged with a different kind of energy. He almost whimpered at the loss of contact, Ricky rose from in between Shane’s thighs. The fire spread, destroying everything in it path, hotter than the blazes of hell. 

 

“What did you just say?” He sat up, staring Shane down. 

 

“Ricky, I’m sorry—”

 

“Oh, it’s Ricky now?” He crawled forward over Shane until their lips ghosted, each heated breath cooling on each other’s skin. “You know damn well I don’t  _ fuck _ with flaky people, Shane.” 

 

Shane didn’t know how he caught it, the micro expression, so fast you could blink and miss it. But a glimmer of the stranger hiding behind Ricky’s facade showed. Shane remembered, how little he knew of his boss. How much effort, how much energy he spent on maintaining his stupid disguise. Shane finally recognized him for what he was. 

 

Sacred, and alone. 

 

“Ricky doesn’t fuck with flaky people, sure.” Shane rolled them over so he was on top, hovering over Ricky. “But you’re no Ricky right now. “

 

“How dare—” He starts with a snarl, attempting to sit up. Shane pushes him back down.

 

“I do dare. And in case you’ve forgotten why we’re here in the first place,  _ you owe me.  _ So yes, I  _ do _ dare,  _ Ryan. _ ”

 

Shane was hyper aware of the scowl on his own face, he watched his partner’s for any sign of emotion, any expression at all, but he just stared at Shane with a mixture of offense and dumbfoundedness. 

 

Finally, a smile broke his face, and he chuckled humorlessly. “If you’re going to say it, well then. You’d better fucking own it.” Ryan smirked up at Shane, Ricky could barely hold a candle to him. 

 

Through kisses filled with teeth and tongue, curses here and there, two pairs of trembling hands unbuttoned Ryan’s dress shirt, making quick work of his slacks. His gold cross hung from it’s chain, exposed. It was the only thing left on his body, yet it seemed just right. Shane ran a hand over it, it clung to Ryan’s sweaty skin. 

 

Ryan looked up at him like it was a long story, and completely unfit for their current predicament. He pulled Shane closer to him, sliding one finger inside of Shane. 

 

“Ooh…” Was all Shane could shakily moan, eyes screwing shut as Ryan added another finger and began stretching his cunt, taking his sweet time to really make Shane tremble.

 

“‘Wanna be inside you…” Ryan mumbled against Shane’s chest, kissing on the expanse of skin before him. “Want you to know how you make me feel every second of every day.” His fingers swept over that spot inside Shane… He couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“I can’t, I can’t—” Shane pulled back, trying to ready himself over Ryan’s cock. “Stop teasing me.”

 

Ryan gripped Shane’s thighs hard enough to bruise as Shane sank down on his cock. Slow to sink, the burn gave way to rapid relief and intense feeling of bliss. Shane sighed as Ryan was sheathed inside him, filling him up entirely. He nearly forgot to breathe, so focused on how full he was. 

 

“ _ Fuck _ …” Ryan groaned. Shane encased him like a vice. “Fuck, you’re tight…”

 

Shane moved experimentally, a shivering as Ryan’s cock brushed that spot inside of him. He couldn’t wait any longer, apparently neither could Ryan, they both need the friction, the build, the release. 

 

Shane rode him, he felt so good, so filthy and fucked. Ryan gripped his ass, pressing him on, muttering filthy words, thrusting into him with the same intensity. 

 

“Ryan…” Shane moaned, he was close, so so close. He could feel Ryan’s cock twitch inside of him, he knew he was close too. 

 

“Say it again…” Ryan growled, his hips faltering a little. Shane opens his eyes to see a little bit of Ricky settled in Ryan’s features. The sweat on his brow and the well fucked look on his face, with a glimmer of the challenging confidence hiding in the corner of his smirk. “Say my name again.”

 

“Ryan…” Shane obliged, Ryan’s fingers dug deeper into his skin, pulling him closer.

 

“Say it again,” He whispered in Shane’s ear, sending a crooked shiver down his spine. “And own it.”

 

Shane felt the coil in him unwind. It was too late to stop it, nor did he want to; tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “ _ Ryan!” _ He gasped as orgasm overtook him like tidal wave. He contracted around Ryan, liquid surging down his thighs. He gasped as Ryan continued to thrust into him, overstimulated and raw. 

 

Ryan didn’t take much longer, coming inside Shane with groan. 

 

The moment Ryan pulled out of him… There was sorrow. He wasn’t sorry it happened, oh no... he was sorry it had begun in the first place.

 

\--- 

 

Shane did his best to crawl out Ryan’s bed without making noise. The first light of dawn would was on the horizon, with the morning came a certain bitter clarity. 

 

“What’re you doing...” Ryan didn’t move, he mumbled sleepily just as Shane stood collect his clothing. 

 

“I thought… It’d be best for both of us if I cleared out before you woke up.” Shane said softly, retrieving his shirt from the floor. 

 

“Don’t be ludicrous. Get back in bed.” Ryan lazily threw the silk sheets back, Shane just stood there, looking at him. Ryan sat up and looked at him in annoyance. “Did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, I heard you. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I need to go.” 

 

“I thought we were past this now. Why do you keep dancing around me?” Ryan looked hurt, and it chipped at Shane’s heart.

 

“I’m not dancing. I just don’t think this is a good idea.” Shane pulled the blue slacks back on, wincing as he noticed a few creases in the fabric, unnatural to the pant’s seam. 

 

Ryan watched him quietly for a moment, and then finally spoke again. “Is this about the favor I asked you to do?”

 

“Not to sound like the asshole here, but  _ you bought me a suit for it. _ You sprung the question on me last minute, what else am I going to say? No? I already feel like I owe you the fucking world.” Shane snapped. He didn’t feel an ounce better, the paled expression on Ryan’s face made it worse. “You… You took advantage of me. You used me. And to what? Get a fucking investor?”

 

Ryan didn’t speak, he looked like he was trying to collect his thoughts as best he could before he spoke, but he still said nothing. 

 

“But it’s okay right? Poor little tranny like me should be grateful the Great Ricky Goldsworth will look his way, let alone give him a job.” Shane picked up his jacket coat and turned to leave, purposely avoiding Ryan’s gaze. 

 

“Shane—

 

“Don’t expect me in the office on monday.” He said, cutting him off, quickly leaving the room. 

 

He walked quickly, trying to outwalk the the thud of footfall behind him as Ryan ran after him. Ryan grabbed his wrist and turned him back around. Shane didn’t like what he saw, the regret in Ryan’s eyes, the sorrow. Shane couldn’t help but wonder if that was all it took to bring Ricky toppling down, a good fuck and a few harsh words in the morning. 

 

But Shane didn’t bow. He continued to look at Ryan with an expressionless gaze. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Ryan’s eye’s shimmered with unshed tears. “And you’re right… I did use you. I didn’t… I didn’t intend to cause you grief. I just saw it as… doing what I had to do to get things done, and I thought you’d understand that.”

 

Shane leaned in a little closer, barely whispering. “Then maybe you should think about the cost of things next time, and know that sometimes it’s not about money.”

 

Shane pulled his grip free.

 

And he walked out the door. He didn’t stop to look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it just keeps getting longer and longer oh lord
> 
> sorry for the blueballing last time, this time i was merciful
> 
> oh here's the song that inspired the rest of this fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afXCSr3ycwg
> 
> as per my last email; i love reading your thoughts and comments ;;

**Author's Note:**

> I would say sorry for the cliffhanger, but you know know that I'm not.


End file.
